May 2022

"Flux" – 5/25/22

There are no words to describe
The senseless loss of innocent children
And yet we try through tears of lamentation
To imagine imagine imagine

We hear somber cellos internal infernal
Sorrow and know instantaneously
To call our loved ones and not delay
We know to not sweat the small stuff

The way trees bend and sway we are
Temporarily better than we were before
Compassion fuses with anger muses
Take the reins of our wayward vessels

Pointing us in the direction of G-d
Or letter-writing to politicians
We go for a walk or a run because stress
Is a killer but for the most part we console

Ourselves any way we know how
Humans are inherently good
Mental illness needs medical attention
Isolation has created the greatest need

For intervention why didn't anyone notice
How can we ever console parents hopeless
Nothing sticks attention focus
Hug your loved ones donate blood

Reactive love to systemic toxicity
"Guns are not the problem people are..."
Don't tell me what you haven't endured
I won't tell you about the day I narrowly

Escaped a mentally ill partner telling me
In full seriousness he loved me enough
To "die together" such was his commitment
Describing how once he'd held a gun to his head

I'm front of his children and how easy
It would be to get one even now deranged
And in crisis his dangerousness became
My problem and all I knew was I needed him

Out out damnit where is the easy fix
For a complex disease on my hands and knees
Praying for an end to the means of destroying
All that is beautiful in this life in an instant

"May their memories be a blessing"
Rings hollow and yet it is all I know
So I pray and I apologize to anyone I've ever hurt
However slightly or unintended and I weep

Tears are the way we remove
Invisible makeup the masks
Of stalwart smiles and ambitious
Ambivalence smearing our faces into flux


"Mother" – 5/07/22

There are mothers who nurture their children magnificently
As if they were born to encourage, heal, uplift
And occasionally set right a broken spirit-bone
With angel eyes and arms outstretched they own
The title glowingly and make Mary proud, soul-awake

There are mothers who struggle just to be unburdened surreptitiously
They can't help but discourage, hurt, put down
And more often than not overwhelmed and alone
With battle cries on deaf ears fallen they moan
Within earshot of babes, broken covenants, quaking

There are mothers who fall somewhere in between bravely
Weathering highs and lows forging family bonds
Amidst dream-crushing waves unremitting humanity
Nary a capsize in courage's shivering motherly sea
Title becoming a crown-of-thorns starfish, sharpened shamelessly

I wonder sometimes had I been afforded the opportunity
What kind of mother would I be and sighing, avert
My eyes from the bright, blazing glory that is Life
Her bosom round, her glistening girth the very ground
From which love grows I raise kiddush to Mother Earth

(and to birth)


"Calm" – 5/07/22

People ask me sometimes how I've changed
I always rethink this answer, in case there've been
Further illuminations in the meantime of the last inquiry

I believe I am calmer and to some degree more
Sensitive to negative energy. I used to let it roll
Off of me like rain on a windshield letting time's

Inevitability rule the temperature in the tempest wheel
Now I'm ruled by something less ephemeral
A practiced sense of solitude immeasurably

More amenable than the need to be the epicenter
Of every discussion, debate, spotlighted epiphany
Just as happy for it to be strangers sharing their stories

And while I may have one ear attuned to aching hearts'
Longing and one ear craned to experience's
Cloak of acceptance I am always connected

To that mantra "we are" never losing sight
Of the hue in human kaleidoscope scattered light
Sometimes in need of focus sometimes of freedom

I remain, to the best of my abilities, quiet
And calm in my body, and in my spirit
Even as I sing and especially as I take trouble in