May 2020

"Riot" - 5/28/20

On one of the darkest days in American history
I did not hear from you
And in that silence it was impossible
Not to wonder
Were you in darkness too?

Were you sitting on the edge of your bed
Paralyzed with overwhelm
Unable to put down the phone
Unable to turn off the anti-static
Were your lips ice-blue in the unrelenting brokenness?

Faith has come close so many times to admitting
"I can't do this" but closer many more times
To assuring us "we'll get through this"
Every day gurus endow the world with
Pretty words encouraging love

But oppression's always questioned
What if intention is simply not enough
To quell this kind of kerosene between
Unfathomable and duplicitous distance?
The future whispers seductive secrets

In time's left ear even as it fills insurrection's right
With doubt and now's ears are bleeding
As the atmosphere around it screams aloud
For justice and against pain for illumination
Through the purest gust of wind that doesn't stop

Until movement proclaims satiation
But not so much that tempests flood
Or untethered objects drift away, decimated
The weather in my heart is getting so thick
Some days I see lighthouses but today was light-licked

In such a moment of awe of wondering of worry
Of sadness of indignity's cardiac arrest, armed
Where are hope's loving hands to sift desecration
From piles of madness crumpled siren-cries
Deafen mellifluence every time injustice sets sail

For somewhere far beyond this situation
If I can't reach you what is our destination I'm reaching
To remember better days but remembering's raw
It wants to polish every memory anniversary of
Almost what if maybe but for complicity's cracked cause

Decoration Day

"Decoration Day" - 5/25/20

Considering the heroes fallen
I necessarily well up with tears and fall in
To a kind of trance-overwhelm where
Gratitude and history combine

Reverence can be sublime
It comforts loved ones, assures families
Of those who have been lost that
Sacrifice was not in vain

This morning a governor wisely
Reminded (quoting Kennedy and Lincoln)
That the most sacred way we can revere
Ultimate sacrifices of those who've defended

Freedom to the best of their abilities unselfishly
Is to live freely remembering constantly
That freedom is precious and best honored
Not only through pretty words but appreciative actions

If it is in my power to help I vow anew to honor you
Our myriad memorialized heroes by acknowledging
Immediately and always that were it not for you
I would likely have perished because unity's my creed

And those who your heroic commitment freed
Are as much a part of consciousness' fabric
As children kite-flying blissfully or butterflies the world
Over beautifying humanity's holiest story-telling breeze


"Beginning" – 5/15/20

Since this all began
There is never a time when I'm not hungry
I gather food around me to encourage trust
Not to give up when inevitable fears of the future overcome
Since this all began
There is never a time when I don't miss proof
I gather evidence around me to discourage hope
From wondering if waiting for its outcome can ever be enough
Since this all began
I marvel at the resourcefulness of reflection
The swaying of trees supplanting of freedoms
Change in all forms as turmoil's testimony overwhelms
Since this all began
We've barely begun getting to know one another
Praying for more memories to come to light I imitate
Shabbat candles resolving to be more present but it's turbid
Since this all began
It takes more energy than ever to control
My appetites my organization my attention span
Hot and cold like the seasons surrendering soul quanta


"Balloon" - 5/6/20

Some days it feels
Like I am hanging on
By a very thin string

Embroidery has always
Been a strength and in
Spite of being blind

My eye could always thread
The needle by feel by instinct
I promised myself not long ago

That when it came to superconductivity
It should never come at the expense
Of mental or physical sustenance

I have this tendency to reflect stress
Like a boomerang bread-crumbing my way
Back to the place or person that's hurt(ing)

Til empathy's entropy encircles me
An etymology of solicitude
Kite-flying on currents of vicissitudes

Will you let us elevate you
Winds whispered to me voices
Velvet with sincerity

And I held in nothing and let out
Everything's exhalation superseding
The need to take hold of helium's reins


"Theories" – 5/4/20

sometimes when I look at a photo of you
and remember how you first began
expressing concern for my well-being

across a chasm much wider than the one
we inhabit as gracefully as possible nowadays
I summon concurrently memories of you

at an art gallery where I was performing, as a guest
you the gracious host of a celebratory toast
to artistry, humanity, creativity, and a kind of family

I can picture your hair (that I'll always argue skews red)
and your height and your beautiful, glowing countenance
more distinctly than I would expect in light of the reality

that you were someone I deemed ironically to be
a little too perfect – or at least cool – for me
your warm smile akin to first-day-at-school friendship

since then you have become the opposite of adolescent luck
I feel irrefutably that we have both earned this good fortune
and when I finally clasp your fingers heartbeats in hamsas

I will sigh a relief so profound that fear itself will go deaf
anxiousness blind you have asked me multiple times
in recent days if it is just you so for that darling, I apologize

'you must know' is a phrase synonymous now with the skies
something as evident as the inevitable unfolding of a sunrise
May you likewise know that hope's our canopy, crystallized


“Restlessness” - 5/2/20

I like to think I am a Russian novel and your fingers
Are committing readily to turning each page
Not because you are willing to imagine the ending
Will be the fantasy you’ve held in your mind’s eye but
Because we’re gripping each other genuinely intrigued

Anticipation only goes so far and expectations’
Fulfillment is a lonely soulless comet shooting across
Future’s navy expanse outer space’s ambiance
Won’t yield much in the end but if bindings can bend
Without breaking wishing becomes more than merely

Dreaming history forges itself unwittingly in the creases
Of dog-ears being folded down daily even if pauses
Abound time’s no object subjects become soldiers
Fighting urges to skip to scenes where every situation’s
Peaceful, amenable, exactly as it should be in theory

Can we commit to these unravelling mysteries without
Wildebeest apparitions outrunning juggernauts of joy
What semblances of patience must adoration employ
To convince each dawning’s thumbprint to simply be
Authentic letting oils of individual isms materialize

Forgetting the need to catalog our words
Or fetishize affection’s occasional capsizing
Can just be exactly what it must the chapter of our story
When love discovered what it meant to swear off
Self-protection stripping down dauntless to shimmering stillness