May 2019

"Distortion" - 5/27/19

What you may never opt to understand in this meridian
Is how imposing envy's presence bolstered by pride's
Resentful, hope-defying words hurled against glass
Loaded pistols catapults of shame guilt recklessness
Emboldened with possessiveness' rueful inability to
See past codependency's ever-engulfing pit of need
Bore down on me at such a cellular level that fear
Became not only love's middle name but the face of
Affection's dysmorphia a mirror-ball of all the blame
Bitterly transferred from your compounded past onto
The person least equipped to weather it guess what
I didn't deserve it didn't deserve it didn't deserve it


"Pacifist" - 5/27/19

Taking the high road is not always easy
There are times when volcanic ash beckons me
To succumb to its fiery seductive symphony
But in my heart I know surrendering to havoc's self-pity
Will only deafen me to the miracle of each cerulean
Dawn's brave beauty so I breath in regret and exhale
Empathy grateful for perspective history has given me


"Albatross" - 5/15/2019

I am not normally one for rage
I am a diplomat if not by nature
Than by nurture aka spiritual survival
But today a fire burns so hotly 
In my heart which happens to beat
In my mind's eye reminding me that 
Yes I am one in four yes I was forcibly made 'impure'
And no it's none of anyone's goddam business
But I 'handled it' immediately which happened
To be, for me, a very simple, clear-cut 
Obvious choice born of atrocity

Today you tell me that if you'd had your way
I would have been bound to give birth recklessly
I would have been bound to agree irrevocably
With your subjective opinion of what happened to me
At the expense of every fragile facet of my eventuality
And my morning after would have been necessarily
Relived perpetually in your dystopian patriarchy
By the grace of love I was given this life
By the grace of good I was given this mind
By the grace of God I was given this body mass
Too weak to fend off the 'needs' of an albatross
To be, for him, a very simple, clear-cut
Obvious choice born of frivolity

So I am not one for rage
I am a diplomat if not by nature 
Than by nurture aka practical survival 
But today a flood of lies so rotten
Fuels this argument which happens to stem
From "religion" reminding us that yes there is so
Church in State yes our voices must reverberate
And yes it is every woman's goddam business
So I breathe underwater to quell flames of misogyny
Ravaging our fragile atmosphere of justice
Deafening noise born of inequity

“England” - 5/8/19
I love the way the sky cries here nearly every morning
Just as I am at peril of reliving the recent past
Neuroses fall away like raindrops and 
Across my window a park greener than anyone’s envy
Beckons me to walk for miles and miles
Renewing this spirit you tried so luridly
To separate from my skin until resistance
Was so thin a breath was the ultimate
Expression of ambivalence oh how beautiful
It feels to be washed clean by the fruition 
Of my heart’s regained, regal wandering
I will venture out now with my pink umbrella
To honor the ancient nomads in my blood
Even as you attempt with your shameless 
Victim-mentality to purport there is no sun
Lurking behind these beautiful clouds
I know better and will wear these hopeful 
Travels like a shroud protecting me from 
Claustrophobic excuses and bloodsucking
Windowless whining oh how these open windows
Relevé on tiptoe intertwining earth and heaven
Until only whisper-ghosts of regret linger pathetically
In mid-air so clean and so clear I can see exactly
What was then and what now will elatedly become
And so I slip you back on like a glove, 
My muse, my love, my beautiful England
the relative quantity of light
"the relative quantity of light" - 5/5/19
Someone asked me moments ago
What my definition of equality is
My back straightened involuntarily
I sat tall in my chair and reflected
At the speed of thought that equality
To me is a subset of luminosity
When someone chooses for instance
To look you in the eye and ignore common
Humanity, searching instead for the difference
That divides, as an excuse to remain in darkness
Where cold's inevitable isolation paralyzes
To me that is the onset of injustice
I spoke to a friend today who lamented
Not having a single soul to help them 
In the aftermath of transformation's trauma
Far away from me in terms of geography
I reached out nonetheless, closeness comprised
By resilience we both share I thought we are the same
To be the same is not always to be equal
How privileged I am to have loving parents 
Who unconditionally embrace my deviations from
'Normal' and however long it took, eventually arrived
At my finish line of acceptance
My friend, who told me they lit a fire to honor
Their parents who have passed, as they recover
From surgery to become more fully themselves 
On the outside, through pain and sadness strives 
Via authenticity and acknowledgement to become equal
How often do you wrestle with society's automatic
Weaponized rejection of what it misunderstands
Reading in the daily paper how someone like you
Was murdered for being an unequivocal exception 
To an unjust, unholy, irresponsible rule?
Someone asked me moments ago
What my definition of equality is
The hairs on my arm rose to occasion as I 
Remembered two hours ago giving a few dollars to 
A homeless woman with a baby on a subway platform
I asked her what her story was and could she go
To a shelter she spoke of abuse at the hands of a man
She seemed genuinely terrified tearfully I nearly ran
Home to a warm apartment where I reflected 
Gratefully on having escaped a toxic 'situation'
Recently and in this moment it occurs to me that
Equality is many many things but most notable
Perhaps is that it hinges on opportunity - opportunity
To escape injustice on wings of each others' visibility